But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, willing to yield, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality and without hypocrisy. Now the fruit of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace. James 3:17-18

You will keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in you. Trust in the LORD forever, for in YAH, the Lord, is everlasting strength. Isaiah 26:3-4

I cried twice yesterday. Well, the first session was just a subtle watery-eye bit, but the second session was so cleansing and renewing. God has filled me with so much peace. My amazing roomie prayed over me as she listened to it all.

She reminded me of the prophetic words she spoke before I moved into the mission- of how God was going to really going to uncover and shed light to the things of my past. Things have surfaced, and God is reminding me of pure worship in all of this. Although there is SO much that I am so uncertain of, there’s no where else I’d rather be right now doing what I am doing. God is stripping me in a gentle, merciful way.

God has called me to a time of separation, but there are still a few things that I look forward to this weekend…babysitting a handful of kids from the mission, helping out with a women’s mentor orientation, a twelve-hour block party, a couple indoor soccer games, cookout in the park with refugees. wooha! A bunch of people from here are going camping tonight, leaving the premises. I feel good about staying here.

I met with my pastor last night and realized that most of my answers revolved around confusion, frenzy, etc. He told me to look for peace. I confessed that I was not really having a Sabbath…stopped conversing with a lot of friends…self-medicating through overeating…feeling tired a lot due to lack of exercise…neglecting a lot of my needs and not taking care of things I’m usually meticulous about.

Coming back to the mission, I felt compelled to do a portrait of a lady at the mission. I thoroughly enjoyed doing it…it’s been so long…it didn’t turn out great but that’s not the point. Then I went into the gym to kick the soccer ball around. That also felt so good. I think I’m back…we’ll see.

AH it’s mid-June already. This Thursday marks our three-month stay at the mission. When I informed everybody of our time here, I got a few responses saying it’s been more like years. There has been much discouragement lately, but I think it’s appropriate for the amount of time we’ve been here. Things can only get better.

Our Tuesday night meals have recently become mandatory, and we are now closing it off to outsiders solely because we don’t really even have a chance to have fellowship with one another. We’re also taking it up a notch on accountability and being intentional.

We placed importance on really dividing up the genders at the mission in the area of ministry. They’ve really changed the place by separating the disciplers from the shelter side, but we’re going to see now how things will turn out with this new approach.

I recall talking to some of the programmers when I first came. They’d mention that they only chose this mission because it’s the only one that doesn’t divide up the men and the women. I didn’t realize the full implications of what that meant until recently. I also remember laughing when I first read the mission manual explicitly stating that it is not a dating service…or something of those words, but they really meant it.

I’ve become more distant with the men, simply saying hi and bye so that I can really focus on the women. I’m not saying that there won’t be times that the men will need their fellow sisters to share life with, but it’s been too much of a hindrance for the men that deliberately only open up to the women. My brothers have shared their frustrations with the walls that have been built up.

My initial response to anything planned or structure seems to be suffocation or failure, but towards the end of our prayer session, I felt so much joy and excitement surrounding all of this. I was further encouraged by the repetitious reading of Isaiah 55.

On Sunday evening, RefugeOKC kicked off Genesis to Revolution. We started reading the Bible over a loud speaker that is specifically aimed towards the city.

I can’t say that I have the stamina that the other warriors have staying up late until the morning, but I had a chance to read this morning as the sun was rising. As I was reading through Nehemiah 9, I couldn’t help but cry. It shocked me as I continued to choke over my words because I would say that that kind of reaction isn’t typically me. The reminders of God’s attributes in stark contrast to his people’s unfaithfulness, reminding me a lot of myself and the people I have really come to know lately.

Divinely enough, in the short time that I was there this morning, a man asked me to pray for him. Snot-filled face with tears streaming down his eyes, he said that he needed help with his drinking. All that I kept hearing in my heart was that he had a broken and contrite spirit. I prayed the powerful word of God with him and pointed him to the scripture I previously wept over.

The power of the spoken word really is setting an atmosphere in the inner city that is incredible. I am so inspired and encouraged. Please continue to pray for transformed hearts!

More pictures…

Last night, we had our usual staff dinner. We’ve been sharing Tuesday night meals for about a month now, telling our stories. Anna Welte shared her story of life and death, ultimately choosing this glorious life and Joe from southern California who is a part of the Refuge, followed with his testimony of living as light.

I love how each and every one of us are becoming intimately united for God’s army. The Spirit is moving and revealing things that are to be used to encourage one another. Glenn Ousley shared his specific verse to Anna that God was revealing to him earlier that day, and the Spirit kept leading me to share Ephesians 5:14 with Joe.

I started reading out of verse 8:

“For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light (for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness and truth) and find out what pleases the Lord.  Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them. For it is shameful even to mention what the disobedient do in secret. But everything exposed by the light becomes visible, for it is light that makes everything visible. This is why it is said:
“Wake up, O sleeper,
rise from the dead,
and Christ will shine on you.”

I mentioned how verse 14 became a meditation for me recently because I was struggling with fighting the wrong end of the fight, giving more power to sin than the name of Jesus. I went on to say that my struggle was very similar to the programmers because they continue to ask me how they can change and stop obsessing about their former ways.

God allowed the timing of when I listened to this sermon (Mike Bickle & the life of a praying believer) to touch & transform hearts. Oh the power of indestructible life!

Tim Ulrich was also excited about that particular verse because he mentioned that it was to be the theme of this inner-city area- to become light. to WAKE UP… and Christ will shine on you. What a precious promise!

Bike riding. It’s like the cool thing to do. It’s been something I’ve been enjoying sooo much lately. I think I would’ve had a lot more sanity in Korea if I bought a stinking bike. Looking back, I can’t believe that I didn’t with all the surrounding mountains and rivers nearby…but I guess the desire is really being played out now.

As of late- oh how I have come to LOVE riding downtown! Not just the act of riding but also going with friends. We went out last night and rode around Bricktown and the trails just south of it- I had no idea that there were huge sculptures and mini-falls there– I look forward to summertime with the cool of the evening!

Not only am I riding, but I came to find out that my mother has been recently learning how to ride a bike! She never did when we were kids- there was always some kind of fear associated with riding, but she finally decided to take up my dad’s offer of learning. Now they ride everyday. I admire them so much…soooo cute! yes. I want to be like them when I grow up.

They went for a ride Mother’s day morning to a park nearby. They brought along some fruit and got to enjoy the lovely garden and ducks- I told my mom how romantic that was, and she said that my father’s intention wasn’t to be romantic- how he doesn’t even know the meaning of the word again, too cute. Mommy plans to ride her bike to work! Talk about awesome news!

Isaiah 61- about freedom to the prisoners– I’ve been hearing many people refer to the church. The religious system. Bound by a system by who they are in God.

Back in January, Michael Ratliff gave a prophecy about killing out the religiousness:

Luke 4:18 says, “The Spirit of the Lord is upon me”.
The Spirit of the Lord is on this group. The Lord is using this group to kill out a lot of religiousness. Some of you will have dreams about it. The Lord is situating you in front of the religious.
You will bring life where there has been death.
You will be hated without cause.
You will offend the religious.
The Spirit of the Lord is upon you and has given you life and death is offended by the life you have.
As the Lord uses you, some of you will feel really inadequate, inferior, almost like rejection is about to get you but the Lord loves you. The stone that the builders rejected become the chief cornerstone. You are aligned with Jesus, the chief cornerstone. You will find yourselves on the other side of the equation. It may be hard as you will want to please man, look right and dress right. You won’t be able to get it right. The Lord is going to foil all your stuff, mess up all your stuff, make you clumsy so you can get some grace.
The Lord is delivering you from religious gymnastics.

There was also a prophecy of revival over OKC, much like the one in Pensacola and the Toronto blessing.

Graham Cooke said the following, listen church:

“You are your own revival. You don’t need to wait for anything. You need to learn how to live from the inside to the outside. Revival is not about thousand of people getting saved. That’s reformation.

Revival happens when you and I start living in the way that God wants us to live. You can’t revive something that’s never been alive.

So revival is not about unbelievers. Revival is about believers coming back to the place they should never have left. It’s about believers coming to live in the place, living the way that God intended them to live. And when that happens, you are your own revival.

Something flows out of you that starts to connect with humanity in a big way and nothing and no one can stop it. Because nothing can stop goodness..except fear.”

Which I want to continue talking about- how I previously operated much out of fear- this story illustrates my former life and current life- from the insecure to the unconditional love of Jesus. Ask anyone that knew me a year ago…particularly my family at Mars Hill church.

—-

Story about two brothers, and they’re talking and reliving things from the past.

One brother is insecure and inadequate. The other is really brash and out there. Both had their problems, reacted differently to things.

The guy who’s brash always wants to try things and is all over the place. The other guy is too insecure to ever think about doing anything or changing anything.

So, one day, the insecure guy is fed up and saying-
“Well, not everyone loves you, you know.” because that guy has had lots of girlfriends, and this guy has had one.

He goes on to say, “I remember that girl in school, you know the most beautiful girl in school. I’ve watched you talking to her one day, and being out there and doing all the stuff you do. And then you walked away, and she started laughing about you to her friend. You never knew.”

“Yeah I did. I knew that.”

“You did?”

“Yeah. I knew she was laughing at me. It’s not what you receive that makes you whole. It’s what you give out. See, I knew that I loved her, and no one could ever take that away from me. And it wasn’t what she gave me, it was what I gave her.”

And the brother who was weak and ineffective– you could see his whole heart just changing…because He lived closed off; His brother had lived open.

—-

Step up, spirit man! Govern my soul. Unconditional love. Jesus died to save our souls, and they need to be redeemed by the cross.

The past two Saturdays at the Refuge were great with ShareFest & Serv-olution. I wanted to make sure that I got a picture of the east wall before it got painted over. Didn’t have a chance to take a picture of the band - all the work - Tim speaking.

• Praise God for deliverance! For the amazing story, ask Jose or Glenn.
• A team from Nebraska arrived at the City Rescue Mission last week. They got to serve here for their missions assignment through the Master’s Commission program. Fourteen amazing people head back in the morning after breakfast tomorrow.

I don’t want my parents to read this post just yet…

I’ve officially told my supervisor and boss at work that I’m going to spend more time at the mission during the weekday. My Mondays and Fridays will be spent there in their discipleship program.

Scripture memorization, helping out in the afternoon classes and anything in-between will be my primary roles, but my main intention is to be more present and available. They specifically asked me if I wanted more responsibility, but I told them that I wanted to ease into it as I get more involved…

I love the contrast between my boss’s response to my newly acquired age and what the people at the mission say. My boss, continually taking note of my “utter state of singleness,” *gasp* exclaimed, “bwa! You’re old!” I simply smiled and excitedly told her that I am so young. So full of hopes and dreams.

If I were stuck in the mindset that she and many others believe, my thoughts would only be filled with regret and anxiety. This mindset was ever so familiar to me, as I have struggled with depression, hopelessness, and despair with my parents being constant reminders of my supposed decrepit state.

My mom used to FREAK OUT that I wasn’t either squirting out babies, on a serious career track, or in graduate school by the time I got my bachelor’s.

My dad used to question how I spent my time when I didn’t have a boyfriend, “successful” career, or as he said it, “wiggle my hips and booty.”

Again, God has freed me from that mentality. I love the freedom I have because God is outside of time.

The attitudes and perspectives that my friends at the mission inspire and bless me. Emerging from their shattered and broken past, they envision the many different ways that God can use their mess and their beautiful experiences for the glory of God.